Thier doormat said "grace"

Their doormat said "GRACE" and they let me wipe my feet on it.
You see, I had been on a rather long journey and I was covered in filth. Filth of my own doing, muck of my own making, drudgery of my own design. But I had made it back, and my Father welcomed me with open arms, but would they?

I had left for my journey, turned my back on my Father, on my family, on my identity and I had forfeited my place.
And I had come back with a Scarlet "P" across my belly.
My Daddy saw past my actions and saw my heart; my heart beaten and bruised by the wild thorns that had there found fertile soil just a few years before.
But would my family see me as I was before,
or as a has-been-but-not-welcome-anymore?
I feared the gossip that I deserved.
I was a growing magnet of attention. I felt naked and exposed; for all the world could see my sin.

I feared my cherished place was gone for good; my station filled, my seat taken.

But when I walked up to my beloved church, my Father had already gone ahead and cleared a spot for me.
My family laid out a doormat for me that said "GRACE", and they told me to wipe my feet on it.
See, they knew I'd been on a long journey, and saw that I was covered in filth.
Filth of my doing, muck of my own making, drudgery of my own design.
And they could see that filth was heavy, slowing my down, and they helped me wipe my feet and showed me to my special place that they had left open for me.
No need for this scarlet letter any more they said, your debt was already paid by a Savior on a cross, by your Father long before you ever left. See, we've all had our scarlet letters, we've all been covered in some muck, and we all found our Daddy and He welcomed us with open arms.
And then He led us to this place;
to a doormat that said "GRACE"
and He said "Go in, your family longs to see your face."

And I cried as I understood so deep within my soul, that Daddy knew my wild heart would need a place to grow.
And so He put me here, amongst my fellow freedom friends,
to learn and grow and learn to make amends...
with life's mistakes, and filth and muck.
And to make a warm place to welcome the next traveler who needs to rest in a place whose doormat reads "GRACE".

Crying...just a little

Or a whole lot, if we're honest.

I am going through my daughters old clothes. Which sounds like a mundane task, and it should be a mundane task, but instead it's a heartbreaking one.

I am making a pile of all of Chloe's old clothes to give away, cause she's growing and no matter how much I ask her to stop, she just keep growing. Serena too, apparently my children don't want to obey the "never grow up, okay?" request I make of them often.

And the pile makes me cry, and the fact that I am giving them away makes me cry even more. The fact that I have no more babies to save them for, which is why I am giving them away, is heartbreaking.

Most of the clothes in the pile made it through both my kids, and I can remember how both of them looked in the outfits...and where we went in those outfits, and the memories made in those outfits. And now they are leaving my house, for good.

I am pretty sure we're done having kids, which some days feels like a good, right, smart thing to do. And other days, like today it feels like I am saying goodbye to a wonderful time in my life. Like I am waving as a dear old friend sails away on a boat, a friend whom I will never meet again.

I am trying my hardest to have a great attitude about no more kids, trying to remember to be "full" with the blessings God has given me and to stop wishing I was getting more. And really looking ahead to working again doesn't bother me. I am happy to be heading where I am heading, but sad to be leaving where I am leaving.

I always hoped I'd know when I was "done". And it would be a matter-of-fact feeling deep in my heart, but it's not. I feel like I am sort of resigned to it, rather than accepting of it.

And maybe I shouldn't ever sort through my children's' old clothes ever again when I am only days from my monthly visit from Aunt Flo. Because, I don't need any other reasons to want to cry about everything and nothing this week.

Get off the fence.

I love, love, love, love listening to music about my Jesus when I am in the car (I am not as much a music at home kind of person). And when I have listened to my Tenth Avenue North, Casting Crowns, and Supertones Cd's to my fill I turn on "The Fish".

I have a love/hate relationship with "The Fish". I love the music, I ADORE the music. I hate the talk. The DJ's aren't vulgar, they aren't gossiping about celebrities like it's the most important thing in the world, but they also aren't being authentic about what their station is about.

I can't remember ever hearing the DJ's mention the name of Jesus, they generically mention God, talk about "random acts of kindness", doing "good" things", and all the like, but never do they mention Jesus. Which I find funny, because the songs are all about Jesus. They are unapologetic and sold out for Jesus. The singers and musicians featured on "The Fish" are Christian artists, gladly singing about their Savior. The music isn't watered down feel good stuff, so why are all their talk shows watered down, never mentioning Jesus, junk?

Now usually I just tune out what they say, and wait for the music to come on, but the other day I actually felt compelled to turn the radio off, because I was afraid of my daughter hearing what the DJ's were saying.

They got on the topic of how families these days don't spend enough time together, to which I agree. They said that we are all over committed, to which I also agree. Then the morning DJ says "We're all over committed, you know we love soccer and we love going to church but sometimes it all too much, and we need to learn to cut things out."

HOLD THE PHONE.

Did she really just lump going to church and kids sports teams together, as if they are the same thing?? Really did the "Christian" station just say that church was just another over-commitment weighing down our families?

You know, because of all those families torn apart because they went to church together.

How is going to church and showing your kids that following God and having fellowship with believers is vital to you, a misplaced priority? I cannot love my kids or my husband the way I am supposed to without having God as my number one priority. Because if God isn't my number one, then I quickly forget to put others before me and I get wrapped up in my own self-importance, and forget that I am here to first and foremost follow Jesus and secondly serve others.

Now I know, "The Fish" doesn't claim to be a "Christian station". They only say "Safe for the whole family". But maybe in there lies the problem. It's a schizophrenic message. The music says one thing, and the DJ's say another. Who really would listen to music SO centered on Jesus if they only cared about their kids not hearing curse words? Might as well turn on Radio Disney for that. I have never met a non-Christian who listened to "the Fish". So why do they try to be so generic? Why can't they talk about Jesus? And the Bible? And I don't know talk about the value of Christian fellowship by going to church together?

So I leave my ranting message with a line from a wonderful song by the Orange County Supertones,

The problem's not Hollywood, the problem's not Washington, the problem's a weak divided Church of schism Christians.

Respect. Gratefulness. Awe.

Last Saturday I took my Dad to the Azuza Pacific Dead Sea Scrolls and beyond exhibit, as his Father's day present. First off, let's just say the Dead Sea Scroll part was lack luster. There were 5 small pieces, and by pieces I mean the size of my thumb. I think it should have been called treasures of Bible history and 5 little unreadable pieces of Dead Sea Scrolls, because the most amazing awe inspiring part of the exhibit wasn't the Dead Sea Scrolls. Now what the Dead Sea scrolls stand for; the archaeological proof of how well preserved every word of Scripture has been through the ages is amazing and reassuring, and gratifying. However the rest of the exhibit humbled me and left me wishing I had more words to say that day, but my brain was too busy muling it all over.

There were examples of the first Bibles written, old hymnals, etc. And as I studied how intricately each one was designed and hand written with such meticulousness, with such beauty I was floored. Every Bible I have ever owned was printed, with marginal notes from fantastic thinkers, philosophers and amazing Christians who have already gone to meet their Savior. And the only reason I am able to have this is because of the life and time consuming passion for God's word those before me had.

If I go to, let's say Amazon.com and search "Bible" wanna know how many choices I have? 275,025. And that's just on ONE website. I can go to Target, Walmart, Barnes and Noble, Borders, Family Christian Bookstore, Life Way Christian store, etc, etc, etc and pick up one of many Bibles, in different translations, with different commentaries, font sizes, really the possibilities are endless. They even have Chronological Bibles (and man oh man do I want one!!). But back then, to have a Bible meant someone spend countless hours handwriting every chapter of every book, and left room for elaborate drawings to illustrate the stories being lovingly retold in it. Churches had Bibles, the people did not. After all they cost a pretty penny with some much work going into each one. In fact having a Bible was a treasure, not a common place thing.

Then the exhibit got into the translations of the Bible, and that's when my list of who I want to talk to in Heaven, and soak up their life experiences and the faithfulness of God grew quite a bit.
. Wylcife risked his life to translate the Bible into English, so that more and more common people could hear and know and soak in the Word of God. And he didn't just use Latin texts to translate, he went back to the original Hebrew and Greek texts and translated them directly into English. What an amazing feat, what a work! Wyclife lived out Ephesians 2:10 for sure. And what kind of earthly honor did he receive? None. His rewards were reserved for heaven.

Then I came across Tyndale ( there were others talked about, key people I am skipping over, like Luther and Calvin,but these 2 men really stuck out in my head.)
How was he rewarded for trying to bring an English Bible to England?

He was executed for trying to bring God's word to the people. But he did it anyway. He didn't give up, he didn't give in, and in the end he prayed for the king. What an example. What a man of faith. His biography is next on my list of things to read.

Then there were more examples of people translating the Bible into their own languages, treasures troves of Bibles with hand written notes, (my favorite kind of Bible). I really wish I spoke German so that I could read Luther's own notes in his Bible. How amazing would that be, to see the way the Spirit touched his heart with each individual scripture? Wow.

Then it came to the Bible in the America's, the new world. And there were Bibles in different native American dialects and I wanted to cry. We all know the horrific things done to Native Americans by the European settlers, some of them in "the name of God". Taming the "savages". Even though we were the savage ones.

But there were some men, who really came only to teach them the love of a Savior.




What a history my Bible has. What a great number of people who's faith in God was not hindered or shattered by the obstacles they faced in doing the work He gave them. What a great testimony that my God is the same today as He was then and will always be; Forever and ever, amen.

Liar, liar pants on fire.

Commercials make me angry. Not because there are so many, or that they interrupt my shows at the best parts, but because quite often they are less than truthful.

I first noticed around Christmas, Valentines, and Mother's day how the frequency of jewelery commercials shoots through the roof. They are on the TV, in the mail, on the radio, on billboards. You can't avoid them. They are constant, and persistent. They are aimed at men, telling them that if they only buy this open heart, or 3 jeweled something then that means they love their wife. Their wife needs it, and if she is actually of any value to them, then they must rush to Kay or Zales and buy this new item. And don't worry, the next holiday will have another must-have-if-you-actually-love-your-wife-at-all item. Now am I denouncing jewelery? Nope. Am I saying husbands are wrong for buying those new necklaces and rings and bracelets for their wives? Not at all. If my husband spoiled me with new jewelery I wouldn't complain AT ALL. What I hate is the WAY these items are advertised. If you think I'm being dramatic, next Christmas count the amount of jewelery commercials and listen to what they say and imply.. Last Christmas there was a commercial on the Fish, you know the Christian station, full of uplifting music centered on Jesus? The commerical was a conversation between a wife and husband and you can hear the wife's thoughts and she calls her husband "an idiot" for not knowing to buy her that new ring from such and such jewelery company. I found myself yelling at the radio, by myself in the car. The people next to me probably thought I was crazy, and maybe I am, but advertisements like that truly rub me the wrong way.

Now, I do appreciate the intelligence behind some ads (the Shick personal trimmer ad makes me laugh EVERY DANG TIME), and I am sure it's rough to stand out in a sea of thousands upon thousands of products. And it is tricky to convince us Americans that there is yet another item we cannot live without, right?

And by chance do your kids watch Saturday Morning cartoons? Cause those guys are smart too, as soon as it nears Christmas EVERY ad is about toys, toys the kids need to be cool, to have fun. Toys that are obviously way better than anything else they have ever had and that they totally need RIGHT NOW. I sat down one day to watch them with Serena and after every commercial, she'd look at me with a big grin and say "I want that!" And being the commercial hating mom I am we talked about how commercials lie. Only I didn't say it like that so much. I said if we watched 2 pizza commercials, for 2 different companies, who both said their pizza is the best, can they both be right? Can two things be the best? Or what about (insert toy name here) that we got and it was nothing like the commercials, and not really fun at all? Commercials are meant to make you want to buy stuff, that's their job. She got it (as much as an 8 year old can really get it), but it's still a struggle with every new toy that's advertised.

Well the other day I saw a commercial for Chef Boy-R-Dee that made me mad. "A full serving of vegetables in every can." Yeah, so maybe that's NOT a lie, but the underlying message is that can of ravioli is a healthy food choice for your kids. But what ELSE is in that can of "healthy"? Half a can has 240 calories, 7g of fat, 3g saturated fat, 20 mg cholesterol, and 1180mg of sodium!!!!!!!!!!!! The sodium level is half of an ADULTS daily amount of sodium, so if you eat the whole can you may get a serving of vegetables, but look what comes along with it!

So here's what I want you to do, next time you're watching TV, really watch the commercials, don't flip to another channel. Watch them, and listen to them. To what they say, what they imply, and how they lie by omission. And see that I'm not crazy, commercials lie, lie, lie!

Slug Mercedes!

My darling is in the Newport-Mesa school district, and for the summer they have a Science and Math camp for like 2 1/2 weeks. They change the location every year, and only a handful of kids from each school get in. Well this year it was at our school, and my baby was lucky enough to be picked. Today was day three, and I am still in awe of the dynamics of it.

First of all since there are only a few kids from each school, there is NO ONE walking their child to school besides me. There is no crossing guard because it's only me, and my stroller and my angel walking (well plus a few parents who park across the street, but most of them j-walk...saves the whole 30 second commute to the crosswalk).

And the biggest shock to my system, the amount of very wealthy people, driving up in their very expensive cars and SUV's walking out of those fancy-shmancy cars wearing (insert designer name here) shoes, wearing (insert designer name here) glasses. To which I immediately say to myself "They must be from Newport."

Then I started thinking how awful I was for already judging them, and not because they are bad, or doing anything wrong, but because they have what I probably never will; wealth.

Well, lucky for me, my God knows how easily I can slip into the "I wish I had...." mode, so this morning my daily Bible verse in my inbox said, "When you have eaten and are full, then you shall bless the Lord your God for the good land which He has given you." Deuteronomy 8:10.

So I need to thank God that after we got married God moved Brian and I from a room at my moms house to a junior one bedroom apartment. Then we moved from a junior one bedroom to bigger one bedroom. Then from a one bedroom in the ghetto of Garden Grove to a spacious 2 bedroom in suburban Costa Mesa. And I need to ignore the line of Mercedes streaming past my house like a motorcade, because I am blessed enough as I am.

Who the *bleep* am I to complain? What country do I live in? How many luxuries do I take for granted, like health care, an abundance of clothing, running CLEAN water, my pantry and frig being full, my kids not dying of Malaria or Dysentery, my washer and dryer in my house, my yard, my dog, my husband that works so that I can be home with my kids, etc, etc ETC!!!

So today I will be "full" with what I have and I will thank my God for filling me so abundantly full. And I will forget the Mercedes, and be happy with the Sentra I share with my husband.