About May last year the end of the year bug hit me. I could feel the on-coming end of the school year coming at me like a gusty wind; and the smell had me salivating. I missed my child. I missed having her home with me. I missed having fun places to take her. The monotony of wake up, rush to get ready, go to school, pick her up, feed her a snack, do homework, play for a bit, dinner and then bed was getting old fast. In fact by May it felt like that schedule had passed it's expiration date and began to spoil.
I enjoy having time alone with Chloe, but I missed having time alone as much with Serena too. I honestly think I willed school to end more quickly than did she. Then by the end of August I was looking forward to school starting with GLEE. After 3 months of trying to keep a 2 year old and a 7 year old happy at the same time, I was ready for a break. It sort of felt like the change of the seasons (in a figurative sense obviously, we're in Southern California, fall still sees summer heat until after Halloween). It felt nice, like a fresh cool breeze washing away the summer.
Well this year, I have that itch already, that "hurry up and give her back" itch. It hit me at the end of March. And I kept thinking, oh school is almost over, but duh, they go until June 25th this year, it wasn't almost over.
Last week was Spring Break, and I LOVED it. We didn't do anything super exciting, but we were together, we were home, she was all mine. We have 10 weeks left at this point, and I can already tell you it's going to be a struggle.
This is about the point that I started thinking "Home school". When Serena was a itty bitty baby I thought I'd be just like the ladies in my Bible study and home school, and I would be great at it, and she'd learn super fast, and she'd be far ahead of all her peers. Then she reached 4 and I realized that it wasn't going to work. She is a perfectionist, and not mechanical in nature, so trying to learn to write her letters left her in frustrated angry tears, and as her mom I couldn't be the one to get her past that. She needed someone she was not so emotionally invested in to guide her through the oopsies and mess-ups and into writing. It went the same way with reading. I was thankful for a kindergarten teacher who could teach her that things don't have to be perfect to be right.
But now, I am starting to wonder if it would be a good switch now, when she's got the basics down. She has the foundation of knowledge that was tough to start, but is now being built up like crazy. So can I handle it? Then I think, okay well, our plan was that once both my girls are in school I will go back to work, and I can't work and home school. So I guess I just need to buck up and be patient for summer. I just miss my baby girl some days.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
Serena Jean
8 years ago today I was blessed with a child I didn't deserve. I met God's grace personified in the little bundle in my arms.
Nothing went how I planned, and everything was surreal and overwhelming, but every second was worth it.
Serena you have blessed my life with your presence. I wouldn't be the woman I am now if I had never become your mother. I was young and unsure, but you gave me the best reason ever to mature, and grow and change. You gave me the drive to be better. I looked at your tiny little face, on your tiny little body, and I knew you depended completely on me for everything; and I knew you deserved more than I could ever give, but that I better strive to give it to you anyway.
You are an amazing little spirit; I often wonder how a heart so big fits in a body so small. You love people, and talking, and sharing your life with your loved ones. You are a good friend, and even when life is hard, you have a great outlook on it. Your intelligence amazes me, and I love to hear the way you think. Someday the world will get to see and hear what I am blessed with everyday. You are an amazing story teller; a gift you got from your dad. I could watch you tell a story on mute, and it would still be captivating. You make the best faces I have ever seen, and bring such animation and life to all that you say.
I love to watch you grow in your love of God, and am amazed at the heart you have for Jesus. You pray for everyone in whom you sense any need, and you learn His word with joy and an ever growing faith. I know that God has amazing plans for you, and I wait with eager anticipation to see the woman you become.
With every passing birthday, with every passing year I am so happy to watch you grow, and yet I pine for you to stay my little girl forever. It was me and you when you were a baby and toddler; all day long while daddy worked so hard for us, it was just me and you. We would go on adventures together, and you would tell me stories, and beg for me to tell you over and over about how Daddy and I met, and the day you were born. I felt like we grew up together those first few years. Just me and you. Our family has grown since then, and seeing you be a big sister has been even better. Your sister looks up at you with a gleam in her eye that you surely deserve. For though you can push her buttons in world record time, you can also soothe her heart. I will forever have in my memory, fresh and crisp, the day your singing quieted your crying infant sister to sleep in the car, when nothing else worked.
Here you are, 8 years old and on the verge of a whole new world, tweens, and teens are creeping in faster than I imagined, and with all the unknowns, with all the worries, and concerns, one thing I know for sure: I love you more deeply with each passing day, and that will never change.
Happy birthday my angel Serena, I love you dearly.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Chloe's Prayer
My Chloe oh how she is growing. She has started to really love praying, and if we forget to at dinner or bed she doesn't.
Her prayer for the past 3 days has been the same, and it brings joy to my heart. "Dear God, please help Jesus not to die again. In Jesus name we pray, amen."
Ask her to tell you about Easter, and she will sadly tell you how Jesus had owies, and that he went in the tomb, but that he's alive! At the alive part she gets happy again. Well, I started thinking, how can I explain to a 3 year old that He won't die again, that He did it once, for all. So one night I followed her prayer with "Dear God, thank you that Jesus died once and for all, so that we could be in Heaven with you someday. In Jesus name, amen."
But then I realized, that just like Serena did, Chloe is grasping the love and sacrifice of Jesus one bit at a time, and that her little 3 year old heart surely makes Jesus smile. After all, even she sees that His death was wrong. He didn't deserve to die, and we surely didn't deserve for Him to die in our place.
Serena used to always tell me "Mom, it's sad that Jesus died." And I would respond, " You're right, it was sad. But we call it Good Friday, because the story doesn't end there. Our joy comes when Jesus rose again on Easter Sunday. He paid the price for our sin, and He overcame death. He died so you could be in Heaven with Him. He died to forgive your sins."
We had this conversation every year, until lsat year, as we were in the car, driving down Adams, past Orange Coast College. I remember that day as if it happened just now; "Mom, I'm glad Jesus died for me." She finally got it. It finally hit home. She finally got that Easter is about a salvation for the sinner, a reuniting of each lost child with thier Father in Heaven. Easter is pure, unabounding joy.
Someday, just like her sister, Chloe will understand that He died once, for all, and that even though it IS sad, Sunday morning, Easter, makes it a story of joy too.
Someday... it's a day I already see coming... like a glimpse of the future hope for my Chloe.
Chloe's heart is turning to her God with openness, and it is a joy I can not express in any blog, with any words, ever.
Her prayer for the past 3 days has been the same, and it brings joy to my heart. "Dear God, please help Jesus not to die again. In Jesus name we pray, amen."
Ask her to tell you about Easter, and she will sadly tell you how Jesus had owies, and that he went in the tomb, but that he's alive! At the alive part she gets happy again. Well, I started thinking, how can I explain to a 3 year old that He won't die again, that He did it once, for all. So one night I followed her prayer with "Dear God, thank you that Jesus died once and for all, so that we could be in Heaven with you someday. In Jesus name, amen."
But then I realized, that just like Serena did, Chloe is grasping the love and sacrifice of Jesus one bit at a time, and that her little 3 year old heart surely makes Jesus smile. After all, even she sees that His death was wrong. He didn't deserve to die, and we surely didn't deserve for Him to die in our place.
Serena used to always tell me "Mom, it's sad that Jesus died." And I would respond, " You're right, it was sad. But we call it Good Friday, because the story doesn't end there. Our joy comes when Jesus rose again on Easter Sunday. He paid the price for our sin, and He overcame death. He died so you could be in Heaven with Him. He died to forgive your sins."
We had this conversation every year, until lsat year, as we were in the car, driving down Adams, past Orange Coast College. I remember that day as if it happened just now; "Mom, I'm glad Jesus died for me." She finally got it. It finally hit home. She finally got that Easter is about a salvation for the sinner, a reuniting of each lost child with thier Father in Heaven. Easter is pure, unabounding joy.
Someday, just like her sister, Chloe will understand that He died once, for all, and that even though it IS sad, Sunday morning, Easter, makes it a story of joy too.
Someday... it's a day I already see coming... like a glimpse of the future hope for my Chloe.
Chloe's heart is turning to her God with openness, and it is a joy I can not express in any blog, with any words, ever.
What a week
Last week was one of those weeks that was so packed full of stuff; the good, the bad and the stinky, that it felt like it lasted about one month. Today I even heard myself say "That was really last week?" Yes. It was.
It started off with me signing in to face book Monday morning to see 1. My friend Rachel had her precious baby boy Caleb early that morning. 2. My cousin Courtney was in labor (at the same hospital as my friend) and possibly delivering that very same day. Then my other cousin (technically cousin-in-law, but whatever) called, asking if I could watch her kids so that she and her husband (cousin in labors brother) could be at the hospital with her. So of course I watched them. They are adorable, and both Chloe and Serena soak up their time at our house like eager little sponges. And truth be told, so do I.
Then after the kiddos got picked up, and my husband got home I went to the hospital to see Caleb and hopeful meet Cole (Who hadn't been born yet). I got to hold Caleb, and I got to see Cole after my cousin braved a c-section that night to deliver him. I got home at about 10, and I was wiped out!
Then Tuesday came, and I decided the girls and I should go to Brian's softball game, so I sent the girls down for a nap after school, and we went. Only while we were at the softball field (mere yards from the beach) Serena somehow rolled around in some fish oil and she smelled like the Pier...like bait on the Pier. Can you smell it? Cause I swear I STILL CAN. We dosed her with soap, and scrubbed her from head to toe, even used Brian's after work degreaser soap, and she still stunk to high heaven. SO we stayed up late scrubbing and scrubbing that poor stinky girl, to no avail. I was reminded of the late nights with my mom picking lice out of my hair as a kid, that's how this felt. I think I got her to bed at like 10:45, maybe later. The smell was permeating, and I threw up, and dry heaved so much, she actually found it kind of funny.
Well, the next morning the smell was still pungent, so I called her in "stinky" and she stayed home from school. I scrubbed her again and again...nothing. I left half a bottle of shampoo in her hair, wrapped in a towel, sitting in front of the TV for 30 minutes, still nothing. I tried soaking her in vinegar (Barf) but still nothing. Finally Brian got home after a trip to cost-co. The poor child has been scrubbed so many times that the acid from the lemon juice burned, and she cried. And I wanted to cry right along with her, because I couldn't fix any of it. Nothing is worse as a parent then not being able to fix it. We soaked her in the lemon juice, and had her sleep with it on her face and scalp. The next day she was slightly smelly, but not as bad, so I sent her to school.
Well, Wednesday I woke up with such a sore throat. I just assumed it was from the fish smell, the puking, or allergies, and that it would go away, but by the end of the night I hurt from head to toe, and I had the chills and it hurt to swallow...anything. I had to flake on working at Kids Club, one of my pure joy's in children's ministries, because I just couldn't make it.
Then Thursday after walking Serena to school I came back and laid in bed, having not slept a wink the night before because of my throat. I was no better, still achy, still feverish, and throat still screaming at me. I had to flake, again, on a church function because I just couldn't go...the mind was willing but the body was beat.
Well, Thursday night was even worse for sleep, and so my husband stayed home, and took me to the Dr. on Friday. It was strep throat. Even though I was bummed to have strep (first time ever), I was glad to be given a diagnosis that included medication to make me better. I left there in so much pain I had to keep from crying in front of Chloe...my crying upsets her too much. But the meds worked pretty quickly, and by that night the pain was lessened...but it still hurt like crazy.
Well, my parents loving me as much as they do decided I needed rest, and so they watch my kids from Friday afternoon until Sunday Morning. What a blessing. Though I was sad to miss the Good Friday service, and Easter in the Park, and Easter morning with my chickadees, I was glad for rest. I ate soup, and napped, and laid in bed. I did no cleaning, I did no childcare stuff. I rested.
I couldn't sleep Friday or Saturday night though, thanks to antibiotics (they always give me WEIRD dreams), and by Sunday even though my throat was almost healed, I was pretty worthless. I went to church, because I couldn't miss Serena in the hand bell choir. And I went to my aunts house for our Easter potluck and egg hunt, so that I'd have some fun memories with my kiddos. But I was a walking zombie, too tired to be much fun. We left at like 5pm, and I was ready to sleep right then and there. I was the kind of tired where you want to cry because of it...like a 3 year old....just sob over your own exhaustion.
Then there was that looooooooooooooong rolling earthquake on Sunday, what a trip, huh?
Well, that was it, my week, in a over stuffed nutshell.
It started off with me signing in to face book Monday morning to see 1. My friend Rachel had her precious baby boy Caleb early that morning. 2. My cousin Courtney was in labor (at the same hospital as my friend) and possibly delivering that very same day. Then my other cousin (technically cousin-in-law, but whatever) called, asking if I could watch her kids so that she and her husband (cousin in labors brother) could be at the hospital with her. So of course I watched them. They are adorable, and both Chloe and Serena soak up their time at our house like eager little sponges. And truth be told, so do I.
Then after the kiddos got picked up, and my husband got home I went to the hospital to see Caleb and hopeful meet Cole (Who hadn't been born yet). I got to hold Caleb, and I got to see Cole after my cousin braved a c-section that night to deliver him. I got home at about 10, and I was wiped out!
Then Tuesday came, and I decided the girls and I should go to Brian's softball game, so I sent the girls down for a nap after school, and we went. Only while we were at the softball field (mere yards from the beach) Serena somehow rolled around in some fish oil and she smelled like the Pier...like bait on the Pier. Can you smell it? Cause I swear I STILL CAN. We dosed her with soap, and scrubbed her from head to toe, even used Brian's after work degreaser soap, and she still stunk to high heaven. SO we stayed up late scrubbing and scrubbing that poor stinky girl, to no avail. I was reminded of the late nights with my mom picking lice out of my hair as a kid, that's how this felt. I think I got her to bed at like 10:45, maybe later. The smell was permeating, and I threw up, and dry heaved so much, she actually found it kind of funny.
Well, the next morning the smell was still pungent, so I called her in "stinky" and she stayed home from school. I scrubbed her again and again...nothing. I left half a bottle of shampoo in her hair, wrapped in a towel, sitting in front of the TV for 30 minutes, still nothing. I tried soaking her in vinegar (Barf) but still nothing. Finally Brian got home after a trip to cost-co. The poor child has been scrubbed so many times that the acid from the lemon juice burned, and she cried. And I wanted to cry right along with her, because I couldn't fix any of it. Nothing is worse as a parent then not being able to fix it. We soaked her in the lemon juice, and had her sleep with it on her face and scalp. The next day she was slightly smelly, but not as bad, so I sent her to school.
Well, Wednesday I woke up with such a sore throat. I just assumed it was from the fish smell, the puking, or allergies, and that it would go away, but by the end of the night I hurt from head to toe, and I had the chills and it hurt to swallow...anything. I had to flake on working at Kids Club, one of my pure joy's in children's ministries, because I just couldn't make it.
Then Thursday after walking Serena to school I came back and laid in bed, having not slept a wink the night before because of my throat. I was no better, still achy, still feverish, and throat still screaming at me. I had to flake, again, on a church function because I just couldn't go...the mind was willing but the body was beat.
Well, Thursday night was even worse for sleep, and so my husband stayed home, and took me to the Dr. on Friday. It was strep throat. Even though I was bummed to have strep (first time ever), I was glad to be given a diagnosis that included medication to make me better. I left there in so much pain I had to keep from crying in front of Chloe...my crying upsets her too much. But the meds worked pretty quickly, and by that night the pain was lessened...but it still hurt like crazy.
Well, my parents loving me as much as they do decided I needed rest, and so they watch my kids from Friday afternoon until Sunday Morning. What a blessing. Though I was sad to miss the Good Friday service, and Easter in the Park, and Easter morning with my chickadees, I was glad for rest. I ate soup, and napped, and laid in bed. I did no cleaning, I did no childcare stuff. I rested.
I couldn't sleep Friday or Saturday night though, thanks to antibiotics (they always give me WEIRD dreams), and by Sunday even though my throat was almost healed, I was pretty worthless. I went to church, because I couldn't miss Serena in the hand bell choir. And I went to my aunts house for our Easter potluck and egg hunt, so that I'd have some fun memories with my kiddos. But I was a walking zombie, too tired to be much fun. We left at like 5pm, and I was ready to sleep right then and there. I was the kind of tired where you want to cry because of it...like a 3 year old....just sob over your own exhaustion.
Then there was that looooooooooooooong rolling earthquake on Sunday, what a trip, huh?
Well, that was it, my week, in a over stuffed nutshell.
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