Monster Spray

Chloe is so full of imagination these days, and I love it.  I love every second of it...well except for the 1:30 wake ups because there is a monster in Chloe's room. Imaginations are great and fun and full of entertainment in the middle of the day, in the middle of the night...well Chloe's scared and mommy is cranky. So it's a good thing I learned a fantastic tip from a parent magazine or book years ago.  Monster spray.  Best invention, er, fake invention ever.

You see big imaginations are able to imagine horrible monsters and believe that a magic spray will kill and banish them from any room.  So when Chloe mentioned monsters in her room, we made a call.  A call to daddy at work asking him to buy "monster spray".

He called (after listening to Chloe's message) and asked "What do you want me to buy??" So I explained he just needed to buy a spray, any spray, it could even be water.  We just had to tell Chloe that it was monster spray, and it kills monsters on contact and she'd believe it.

So hero daddy came home from work with apple Cinnamon scented monster spray, and he attacked all the monsters in the closet, and under the bed and vanquished the dreaded enemy, to the squealing delight of Chloe.  Now Chloe will gladly tell anyone how "There were monsters but Daddy killed them!" with a smile from ear to ear.

Yo...rescue dad ...coming to the rescue...al rescate! Rescue dad coming to the rescue!

Just the Way You Are

I didn't grow up at church.  I grew up attending a church with a neighbor now and then, went to a few VBS's and that was about it.  And so watching my kids grow up in a church amazes me. You see I remember Sunday school being boring, and waiting not so patiently for it to be done so I could be the first kid to get the to tire swing in back.  And the days I had to sit through big church...were squirmy-wormy agony. But my kids aren't like that, maybe it's the routine they are used to, maybe it's that they are completely different persons that I with much stronger will powers, maybe they are more easily amused.

Or maybe it's different.

Maybe my kids have already found something, or rather, Someone at church that eluded me as a child.  I memorized John 3:16 and the Lord's Prayer (simply for the rewards offered) but never knew what they meant or cared to know what they meant.  I never pondered God's word or His presence in my life. I knew God existed, I never doubted that, but I didn't really care that He did.  I thought Jesus was a great guy, but that was only when Sunday school made me think of Him, otherwise, well I was a busy kid you know.  Lots of playing and such.  Not enough time to ponder Jesus.  Or His role in my life.  Or why He made me.  Or how He saved me.

But my girls, they love Jesus.  And I don't say that to boast about my parenting.  Lord knows I have done enough to give good cause for therapy when they grow up.  I may have helped to point the way, but by God's will they have tasted and seen that the Lord is good.  They love to be at church.  They love not only the play time after but BEING in class.  They learn.  They seek.  They ask me questions about God I never would have thought to ask at their age.  They see Jesus as I never did when I was a child.  And I love it.

And every time I see them scamper off to their class, before I can even think of telling them to head there I smile.  Because I know they feel Him calling and just want to be in His presence.  Serena's favorite book at the moment is Just As You Are by Max Lucado.  In it a king comes to adopt some orphan children, who all get so busy trying to impress him that they miss it when he comes for them.  But one little orphan girl wasn't too busy, and only wanted to talk to him, to be near him and she found the king. Serena soaks up that story because she loves to just be with people, and thus she loves to just be with God.  And she loves knowing that she needn't impress Him with what she can do, He loves her because she is His. For a perfectionist, it is rest to not feel as though you need to do to be loved. And every time I read it to her I want to cry when I see her contented sigh eyes. Because. It. Is. A. Beautiful. Sight.

And she tells everyone about God, with reckless abandon, because she loves to share her life and He is so much a part of her life! The other day at daddy's softball game she, as usual, was talking the ear off someone by us in the stands.  And she said "My middle name is Jean.  After my great-grandma,  But she died, and she's in Heaven.  Do you know Jesus? Are you going to Heaven?" Without presumption, without hesitation, without prejudice.  She just speaks out of the over flow of her heart, and her heart is alive with Jesus.

Now I am not saying my kids are perfect. They aren't. They do dumb and mean things all the time.  They are human and no human is perfect.  And they are kids and kids are still learning all about life and this hard, hard thing called "self-control".  But they love Jesus.  And I already see Him working wonders in their lives.  And in their hearts.  And subsequently in my heart too.

Thank You Jesus that You are AT my church.  And that You are IN my life.  And that You dwell IN the hearts of my children. Thank You Jesus for just being You, because that is more than enough.  And thank You that You forgave me for all my sins, past, present and future.  Thank You that You were willing to die for all my self-righteous talk, and attitude.  Thank You for keeping a hold of me, when as a child, I never cared for You.  And thank you for keeping a hold of me, when as an adult I ran from You.  And thank You for keeping me now as I try so hard to seek You and not just what You can give me.

If I had only known at age 8 that THIS is what You were offering...if only. But thank You that at 29 I can know.  And thank You that my kids can know, now too.

Daily Conversations

My little ray of spunk-shine is talking and talking all the more, which I guess kind of happens as they grow. 

Well at 3 1/2 the FUNNIEST stories come out of her mouth, and I have NO IDEA where she gets them from.  And BTW 15 is her favorite number to give to anything that has to do with money, and after a trip to the 99 cent store, she now tells stories of the 15 money store...all the time.
 "I bought my puppy at the 15 money store.  My puppy was 20 bucks, so I gave them 20 bucks."
  So I asked her,
"How much does a cat cost at the 15 money store?"
"$500, a quarter and 1 money"
"Oh how much does a lizard cost?"
"I don't know...5 bucks"
"And how about a bunny rabbit?"
"I don't know"
"Well how about a hampster?"
"They don't sell hampsters.  They try to bite your teeth like this (chomping motion).  They are creepy.  They don't sell those."

And she was serious the whole time she told me that story...that's the best part.

Stress Case

Okay so I have a confession to make....I am a HORRIBLE house keeper.  I hate cleaning with a passion, unless I am once again hopped up on the 'roids, but that is another post entirely.

So since I hate cleaning I put it off until last minute.  Which means I feel guilty about having people over, because what will they think of me?? Will they say I am lazy and awful?  Will they feel sorry for poor Brian who has to live in a pigsty? So before anyone comes over, I clean like a MAD WOMAN.  I mean I am on the ground cleaning  the corner behind the trash can, so maybe whoever comes over will not think that I have ignored that little corner for 5 months, which I probably have.  You know, because whenever someone comes over, the first thing they do is look for the spots I missed cleaning, right?

Yeah, I have finally realized that, well, no one actually cares to check if there are cobwebs under my stairs, or dust in the corner of my kitchen floor, or if things in my pantry are neat and orderly.  Because I have NEVER gone to someone elses house and looked at those things.  I never stare at their baseboards, or corners.  I don't check to see if there is dust behind the TV, so why do I freak out about that when someone is coming to my house? I mean honestly if I go to some one Else's home and it's not completely clean I feel better.  Like I have met a kindred soul who doesn't spend their life making a clean house all the time. And then I feel better about my house. 

I go through these stages where I clean the whole thing, top to bottom, for an entire day.  And I feel great about it.  But the next morning it's a mess again.  Unless I follow everyone around the house and pick up after them constantly. Which is miserable.  Which makes me crabby.  And really my kids and hubby would probably prefer dishes in the sink and shoes on the floor over a crabby mom.

So today, trying to ever stretch myself past my comfort zone, I said yes.  I said yes to an impromptu play date with Serena's friend after school even though my house will still a disaster from the day before.  Because really what 8 year old cares if I have dishes in my sink, or toys in my living room? Exactly.  No 8 year old would care, so why should I?  And her friend came over, and they did homework and played and it was great. 

As I see it I have 3 choices:

1. Spent all the time cleaning so that this self consciousness is a non-issue.
2.  Go back to work and hire a maid.
3. Get over it and live.

Though door number one is tempting on paper, I know it doesn't work for me.  And door number two is ridiculous.  So door number three it is.  I will clean the best I can and I will welcome life, kept or unkempt house.

A post full of holes

I have this thing in my life, and I call it a thing because it's personal and shouldn't be named in a public forum for just anyone to read and talk about.  It's far too embedded in my soul to let all the world see.  BUT with it comes these feelings that kind of need an outlet, so here goes:

___________ causes me pain, not everyday but most days.  I tried for a long time to fix it by myself, but quickly learned I didn't have the power to do so.  I prayed, like Paul for God to remove the thorn from my side, to fix _________, but every time I prayed that, His answer, quietly, sweetly in my ear would be "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9).  And I am grateful and sad all at the same time.  Because without my God I would be a lost soul, wandering this earth aimlessly, just as I did in my prodigal years.  But I also know my God can fix _________ if He wanted too.  It is not too big for Him, He could with a word change everything...but He doesn't.

Now I was recently looking back on my life and realized that I am the kind of soul that prefers to be stubborn and pigheaded and learn things the hard way.  Why listen to good, sound advice, or promptings from the Holy Spirit if I can experience something I shouldn't and bring onto myself a mountain of self inflicted pain? Sigh.  There were times where I KNEW I was stepping beyond God's will for me, but I had to go and know for myself, and then I came limping home begging for Him to help me fix it.  He is faithful all the time; no matter how faithLESS I am.  He brings healing to the pain I brought on myself.

And _________ started because of my sin.  Because of my pigheaded know-it-all living.  But the thing is it has stayed bad, even though my heart has been striving after Jesus for years.  I went through a period of time where I thought I would stick my fingers in the ears on my pig-head and act like I didn't know what God wanted and fix it myself.  HA, that would make everything better....right? But The Spirit kept reminding me of the messes I'd made of myself by wandering off His path, and even if I could not see where He was taking me, it was better than where I wanted to head.  So I listened, I obeyed and came to my senses and made a resolution.  A resolution to follow Him in ____________ no matter how much it hurt.  Because I would trust in His promises, not my own feelings and wisdom (HA! I use that word LOOSELY).

But the resolution doesn't stop the pain of _________, it only tells me where to go with that pain.  And I know that God is working out __________ for my good, and someday I will see it and praise Him with tears flowing like rivers from my eyes, and I will proclaim His goodness from the rooftop.  And I know this because I caught a glimpse of it the other day.  Something I thought I would never see, never be told, never feel happen.  And it was as it a piece of a black curtain was removed, all be it a small piece, but a piece none the less, and I can kind of see something bright and beautiful hiding behind it. ____________ will not hurt forever, but even if it does, yet will I praise Him.

Reading through one of my favorite books of the Bible left me with this phrase, that I cling to every time I feel my pigheadedness telling me to rush things, and try to fix it myself.  Here is the original verse, Daniel 3:16-18: "Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to the king, "O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter.  If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king.  But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."

They faced death and would not renounce their God, they knew that whether or not He saved them, God was still God and God was still good.  So here is what I have held onto from the time I read that on "My God can fix ____________, but EVEN IF HE DOESN'T, yet will I praise Him." Just like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego I realize that ___________ is but a temporary pain, but the glory awaiting me in Heaven is eternal.  For now __________ makes me cry and cry, but I have a Savior who promised He will "wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." (Revelation 21:4) And He promised me that:"In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you." (John 14:2)

I have faith that my God will fix ________________, that He will make me cry tears of joy when He does.  But if I die before this pain is taken away, that's okay, because I know what awaits me in Heaven; promises fulfilled.