He loves me...

Last week was a week in which I felt like I was riding a unicycle, and balancing 500 things in each hand, dripping sweat and trying not to fall. The week was busy, Girl Scouts, cookie sales, t-ball practice, uniform fitting, not to mention the normal stuff: Serena in school, Daddy in school,  work and softball.  But that's not why I was a wreck. 

I was waiting. 

Waiting on test results to see if my precious little 4 year old was going to have to have surgery, or start new meds to fix her urinary tract issues.  I was fully prepared to hear the terrible news that the tests showed it was bad and she was going to be scheduled to have her little itty bitty belly sliced and diced and re-ordered. And all week, and the 2 weeks before I spent worrying, and waiting, and imagining, and trying to cope, and trying to be distracted, and trying not to live in the worry-waiting filled moments.

But I had too, I had to live in those moments, because what if she really was sick, then I needed to purposefully soak up every moment.  So I spent weeks waiting everyday until I put the girls to bed, so that I could finally cry out every tear I had stored up that day. 

And here's the whole thing with worrying, that I struggled with all week.  Jesus specifically tells us NOT to worry in Matthew 6. And it wasn't as if I didn't trust God to take care of my baby girl, that's not what I was worried about.  It's not that I didn't know that every tear I cried was caught in the palm of my Savior's nail scarred hand.  What had me in a tailspin was that I am not naive enough to think that because I call myself a Christian that nothing "bad" can happen to me or my kids. The Bible never assures believers that they will have an easy-peasy life of carefree days...quite the opposite in fact.  God reminds me over and over in His word that He is concerned with my character, not my comfort. And so I just kept saying to God over and over again whatever happens, it's all for Your glory.  Good or bad it's for Your glory.   Like it says in this fabulous song, "if that's what it takes to praise You, Jesus bring the rain."

I was worried about the pain my darling might endure, what effect it would have on such an active like ray of spunk-shine. I was worried about staying strong in front of my kids, so they could just relax and be kids.  But through it all, I knew my God was there and that was what kept me from going crazy.

Then Thursday I got a phone call from my girl's pediatrician.  All the tests were normal, my little ray of spunk-shine could just keep on being a crazy little 4 year old. No slicing, no dicing, no hospital stays.  She's fine.  And just after the news, I had to jet off in my car to run an errand, and as I sat in traffic in my car, I had my praise music turned up high, and my hands in the air, because every muscle in my body had to Praise Jesus, and there was no holding it back.

God was showing His love for me.

Now, I almost hesitate saying that, because God loves me all the time.  And if Chloe were sick, it would not be because He loved me any less than before.  But just like those days where your husband comes home, flowers in hand, telling you to get dressed because he already got a babysitter and he's taking you out to your favorite restaurant, and taking you to see that cheesy chick flick you wanted to see....it was a demonstration of the love that is always there. 

My Jesus went above and beyond, and I felt it.  I felt such a passionate love for my Savior, I couldn't even contain it.

And I know that there will be days when this life brings me pain...but for right now, for this moment, it's a time of joy, because my God answered my prayers, my God answered the prayers of my faithful friends and family who were also on their knees before Him for my Chloe's sake.  Pure joy my friends. 
It.
Is.
Pure.
Joy.