To My Dear Baby

I prayed for you, I cried out of longing for you, I worried that I would never meet you. I trusted that God would guide me in His path for my life, whether or not that included you. I prayed that if you never came I would never for a second stop praising my Jesus anyway.  I prayed that if you were never to be that Jesus would heal the ache in my heart for you. I cried every month when I realized you weren't coming.

As I prayed I told God, I know if we had a baby I would be sick, again.  For reals, sick again. I would be achy, again.  I would give up all hope of sleep for a few years, again.  I would be back to nap time and feeding schedules, again.  We would be back to buying diapers, again.  But none of that knowledge would get rid of my desire for you, not one bit.

And so when that precious little stick told us of our precious little miracle, I couldn't stop smiling.  You were here.  And I am sick, a lot, and achy, and through the moon excited even when I have my head in the toilet....again...I am thrilled to know that you are growing inside me.

I don't know anything about you yet.  I don't know if you are a boy or a girl, or what your name is, but Jesus does, He is knitting you together in my womb (just ask your big sister Chloe she knows that verse.) While I am looking forward with great anticipation to meeting you, I am choosing to soak in the moments now.  You, and the faithfulness of my God bring me joy. Joy I cannot put into words. Joy a simple little blog from a simple woman could never do justice.

And your Dad, your Dad! Do you know how much he already loves you? Do you know how much he is trying to make everything just right for you and for me? Do you know how many times your dad has done dishes just to keep me from getting sick again? Someday I'll get to tell you.

And did I mention your two big sisters? They already have big plans for you. They have already planned who gets to help when and with what ( but guess what, neither of them signed up for diaper duty, go figure!) Serena is calling herself the "biggest sister" and Chloe tries to wear her "I'm the big sister shirt" all the time.  They tell everyone about you, with big smiles on their faces.

And that's just our little family, wait until you meet your extended family! You have quite a few cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, great grandparents, and close friends who will be lining up to hold you...and so I am soaking up this time, when you are just mine. And I am the only one holding you.  I have learned from your sisters just how fast time flies, and so  I. am. soaking. up.  all. of. this. For soon I will blink and you will be starting 4th grade...just like your "biggest" sister who 10 years ago was just like you, a small baby in my tummy.